By Scott Marks
SDUN Film Critic

“The Sorceror’s Apprentice”
Rating: 2.5 stars

Andrew Sarris, the man who introduced American audiences to the auteur theory, noted, “Directors, writers, actors (even critics) do not always run true to form, and the critic can never assume that a bad director will always make a bad film. No, not always, but almost always, and that is the point. What is a bad director but a director who has made many bad films?”

Those three sentences, and the promise of enlightenment they hold, have drawn me to more unmemorable movies than I care to recall. If what Sarris says holds true, Jon Turtletaub is about as bad as they come. Since 1993 he has directed eight features, all for various branches of the Walt Disney empire. He’s generally been assigned to kidpics (“3 Ninjas,” “Cool Runnings,” “The Kid”) and lightweight but equally insipid adult fare (“Instinct” and the contaminated “While You Were Sleeping.”) The one picture that kept me coming back for more was “Phenomenon,” but it had nothing to do with finding the cinematic pearl amidst the swine. Any director who signs his name to a film that posits John Travolta as a genius instantly commands my attention.

Turtletaub partnered with mega-producer/popcorn salesman Jerry Bruckheimer in 2004 for the first of two Nicolas Cage actioners. It took days to restore feeling in my legs after “National Treasure” so naturally I shied away from its sequel. So why would I waste my time on another Cage/Bruckheimer/Disney production? Cheap laughs? Satirical contempt? Air conditioning?

I’ll argue that over half of the films released each year, particularly during the summer months, are geared for 14-year-old boys, but with the exception of a few patently condescending 3D cartoons there isn’t much in the way of passable family fare. Not that I have children, something you should all give daily thanks for, but if I did this would be a great way to kill two hours in a theater. If you don’t go in expecting something along the lines of “Planet of the Apes,” my sentimental favorite father and son bonding movie, you just may be surprised how breezy it is.

The story in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” began as a tribute to the revered “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” sequence from “Fantasia” and the CG recreation of the menacing mops and buckets is quite spectacular. Even more impressive is a delirious chase through Chinatown where a paper dragon magically transforms into a fire-breathing menace as rectangular multi-colored bits of confetti gracefully somersault to earth.

The plot has something to do with Cage as an ancient but eternally buff master sorcerer trying to prevent the release of two evil spirits—destined to wipe out civilization as we know it—from a nesting egg. Jay Baruchel plays the wizard-to-be, a gangly physics major who is introduced to his master in the form of a peppy extended sight gag. He follows a love note—containing an answer from the girl of his dreams—as the wind magically whisks it through the streets of Manhattan.

Up until Herzog’s “Bad Lieutenant” helped bring about a return to form, Nicolas Cage appeared in an embarrassingly long run of brain-numbing big-budget action pictures. He’s fine as the over-stimulated Balthazar. You have to give the guy credit for one thing: It takes a lot to out-act what amounts to the dirtiest hairpiece this side of Tom Sizemore’s in “Strange Days.” Very little of the film’s budget appears to have gone into designing and dry cleaning Cage’s stringy rug. It looks like he used a gefilte fish broth shampoo followed by a goose grease conditioner.

In this case the casting coup goes to Jay Baruchel in the part originally created by Mickey Mouse. Baruchel was very appealing in a couple of memorable comedies (“Knocked Up,” “Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist”), yet with this and “She’s Out of My League” it appears that the skinny, squishy-faced 27-year-old actor is destined to play juvenile Don Knotts prototypes for a few more years to come.

Honestly, I am shocked at how much I enjoyed this picture. I may just have to borrow one of my friend’s kids and see it again.

“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” (2010)
Directed by Jon Turtletaub
Written by Matt Lopez, Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer and Monica Bellucci